“I wish things were different… ” is a major energy drain!

I wish COVID wasn’t here and I could see my friends or family

I wish I could just go to the office/the university

I wish I didn’t feel so much stress

I wish I wasn’t so tired

I wish I had not done or said this thing

Wishing things were different from how they are is a form of resisting or fighting reality.
Resisting or fighting reality is like trying to swim against the stream. Swimming against the stream will drain your energy quickly and won’t get you far.

Stop resisting or fighting and instead take practical action!

Circle of concern and circle of influence
To know what action to take, first determine what is in your circle of concern and what is in your circle of influence (Steven Covey)

You can draw a circle around the wide range of things that matter to you in the world, your work and life – including health, family, finances, the economy,  COVID etc. This is your circle of concern. Everything you include inside the circle matters to you and everything outside the circle is of little or no concern to you.

Within this circle of concern there are things you CAN influence and things you CAN’T influence.

Things you can’t influence are for example the COVID situation or the health situation of a family member, or something that happened in the past.

Things that matter to you and that you can change or influence are your circle of influence.

If something is in your circle of concern

  1. Ask yourself: What am I longing for when I wish this to be different?
  2.  What could be an alternative way to fulfil that longing?

E.g. You can’t change the fact that you can’t visit your friends or family because there is a pandemic going on.  Instead of putting energy in wishing things were different ask yourself: What is it that I long for when I wish I could go and see friends or family? Do you normally love cooking together? Well, set up a call over skype/zoom and cook the same recipe at the same time in your own homes while chatting together.  Of course, it is not the same as being together (but this you can’t change). However, this alternative way of connecting will make you feel better in these difficult circumstances.

If something is in your circle of influence
Such as how tired or stressed you feel. Stop ignoring you feel tired, stop trying to distract yourself from stress and wishing things will get better in time. Take action today!

  1. Acknowledge: I feel really tired or stressed.
  2. Then ask: What can I do today that will replenish my energy? What can I do to lower my stress today?

Maybe give yourself more rest today –go to bed early?  Or boost your energy by physical exercise (dancing, walking) or doing something creative?

If you feel stressed: Maybe use simple strategies to alleviate the stress (use my free STRESS SOS strategies)

Getting behind the steering wheel
If you focus on what you cannot change you will feel powerless which is a major energy drain! Focusing on what you can influence will make you feel lighter & boost your energy. Because you are getting behind the steering wheel!